I know I’ve talked about Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) before.  It’s a healing modality that anyone can learn.  It’s also referred to as tapping.  There is science, ancient wisdom and a variety of experts behind the use of acupuncture points used with EFT.  Nick Ortner, creator of The Tapping Solution video has also created a yearly event called The Tapping World Summit. It’s free and those speakers I’ve listened to so far have been great in their use and teaching of EFT.  Each has a little different expertise they share.  I’m making this short  because I don’t know how many sessions are left and  I want you to have a chance to see some of them. 

As soon as you get the diagnosis, order one or both of these:

• Cancer 101 – I loved Cancer 101 because it is self explanatory and all about keeping organized and preparing for the future.  Because there is no way of knowing what you’ll need while traversing this disease, it is so helpful that others put together a packet to make sense out of what to do.  Good friends of my sister had this sent to me.
  

• Bag It 4U – I found out about Bag It when I went to a cancer retreat it sponsors.  I would have liked this bag of tricks too because it has other resources as well.  Check into their retreat as well when you feel like you’re ready.
  

If surgery is part of the treatment, hypnotherapy has been reported to increase recovery time for breast cancer patients.  I found a hypnotherapist in my town who walked me through a couple of sessions and then created an audio CD for me with her voice leading me through relaxation and into a story line of how my surgery would go.  It is a form of visualization using positive images and dialogue so that you can prepare your body for the invasive and difficult action to the body associated with surgery.  The reports claim many patients who use hypnosis suffer less bleeding, need less anesthesia and recover more quickly.  I loved having my CD to listen to.  I know how I am and I would have been a sweat ball and exhausted from fretting about what was to come.  By the day of the surgery I went to the hospital calm and relaxed.  Nothing made me panic.  I was ready.  I would highly recommend finding a hypnotherapist who could work with you as you go into to this to help relieve some of the fear and anxiety.  If that’s out of the question I have found a few websites with CD’s to listen to before surgery.  I haven’t personally used them but I listened to their examples and they were much like what my hypnotherapist recorded for me:

•   http://www.brainplayground.com/hypnosis-meditation-mp3-cd/health/surgery/

•   http://www.stevegjones.com/becalmbeforesurgeryselfhypnosiscdmp3.htm

•   http://www.efthypnosis.com/Jennifer_Polle_Meditation_and_Hypnosis_Recordings/Surgery.html

My hypnotherapist also made me a CD to listen to when I started chemo treatment.  I had to decide how I wanted to see my chemo working.  Were there little Pack-men running through me gobbling up cancer cells?  Did the chemo release warriors into my system that stabbed and killed any cancer cells?  I chose a less angry way to see it working.  I envisioned cancer as dark, raisin like cells.  I then imagined the chemo searching those cells out and cocooning them in light until they transmuted into pink healthy cells.  Whatever you choose it has to be because it works for you.

After Surgery:

• Healing Meditation – I started listening to this CD by Kelly Howell  after surgery and for the entire year after diagnosis.  I’d like to say I listened every day but I didn’t.  I was haphazard at best but I believe it’s power was critical in re-conditioning my thoughts.  Kelly’s calm reassurance about our individual power to heal changed something elemental within me.  I believed I would recover after my first time with this CD.  It was monumental to my brain health as well as my physical health.  I still listen to it and find great peace when I do.

Books:

• Wayne Dyer – The Power of Intention

• Marianne Williamson – A Return to Love   

• Kris Carr – Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips
  

• Gary Zukav – The Seat of the Soul
  

• Caroline Myss – Anatomy of the Spirit
  

• Elizabeth Gilbert – Eat, Pray, Love

These authors helped me as I traveled this road.  Each one sort of dropped into my lap at certain times often from friends, so I read it.  This synchronicity changed my view as well.  I knew I was receiving some kind of Divine Guidance even though I didn’t understand how or why.  It just seemed that when I was ready for the next book to read, it appeared.  Even Eat, Pray, Love, a much lighter self help edition, showed up just when I needed it.  Each book made a difference and gave me the guidance I needed to help myself.  

This is a start in helping navigate cancer and the move back to health.  Each journey is individual so what worked for me may not be what someone else needs.  I just know each item I listed had a profound impact in the re-invention of my health physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

I’m taking an online meditation course with Kelly Howell of Brainsync.  I’ve used her Healing Meditation CD often in the last four years.  I love her work.  Her voice instantly relaxes me and puts me at ease.  If for no other reason than that, she’s worth listening to.  It’s like getting a mind massage.  

Because I have been meditating in various ways for four years now, I decided when Kelly offered an online class I’d take it.  I was a bit hesitant to sign up.  I wondered if I was getting suckered into something that I didn’t need help with.  I so often believe I don’t need support which comes from my constant companion, my ego, telling me if I need guidance I must be incompetent.  I guess that’s some family belief system that I bought into.  I of course don’t want to be reliant on others but since I believe in education you would think I’d understand that all I’m asking for is instruction not destruction.  Okay, now that that’s our of my system, here’s what I like about my class so far.

First, I have a new download each week of the brain wave meditation we are to use.  She has them broken up into Alpha and Theta so far.  That only means something if you know brain research.  I don’t, so I take her at her word.  Each is a different level of consciousness.  Some people feel an immediate difference in their meditative state.  I don’t.  It’s the reason I took the class because I don’t believe I’m in any very strong meditative place most of the time.  I figured I could use help with this.  However, I don’t have anything magic to report yet other than as the weeks have gone by sometimes I do feel like my mind relaxes and doesn’t chatter constantly.  It still speaks but much more lazily than before.  I figure that’s a good thing.

The second thing I like about this class is Kelly as the instructor.  She is so calming and is not flustered by participants who call in.  She makes me believe I’ll just keep improving and gaining a deeper meditation practice as I go.  I like the information she gives and I especially appreciated yesterday when she said that her brainsync meditations are training wheels.  Eventually we won’t need the help of the brain wave meditations, we’ll be able to access deep meditation because we have learned from our practice how to move forward.  I like that because it means I am not reliant after all.  I am learning and will be able to improve without dependency.  Education is a good thing!

Alarm Rings

6:01    “Stay asleep, it’s not real.”
6:02    Cancer
6:03    Cancer
6:04    Cancer

“Rise, shower, dress.  
Be normal, do normal, act normal. . .
Maybe it won’t be true.”

6:34    Cancer
6:35    Cancer
6:36    Cancer

“Eat, drink coffee,
Prepare lunch to go.  
Enjoy the morning sun – warm on my skin . . .”

7:11    Cancer
7:12   Cancer
7:13   Cancer

“Go away; leave me alone.  
Peace, silence.  Quiet my head.
 It’s too much.  I don’t want it.  Let me go.”

So a week has gone by and there is nothing that seems normal.  The thoughts of cancer stir like breath.  Their involuntary rise sabotages any other thought.  The gasping ache centers inside fighting for release.  Each day pours into the next.  Instead of the glass being half full, the anger and fear spill over the sides, dripping and covering any sense of security.

” . . . How about you, are you living your dream?”
Boy, someone challenged me today with this question.  I’m still not sure how to answer it.  I used to believe I was living the dream when I was teaching.  I loved it.  Well, I loved it in the love/hate relationship way we have with anything we’re passionate about including our significant others sometimes.  Since leaving teaching, I have not done anything professionally that makes me feel like I’m living the dream.  I’ve done some work as an administrative assistant that was less than fulfilling but I loved the group I worked with.  I’ve done some lawn care, landscaping and painting all of which I really enjoy.  At the end of the project there is a finished work.  Teachers never really see a finished product they just have to believe they have made a difference for the future.  So I love doing the labor work and seeing a direct outcome.  However, I can’t say with sincerity that I’m living the dream when I’m doing those things.  I just enjoying doing some work and making some money while I’m at it.  

So maybe the deal is I have to redefine “the dream.”  What is my view of living the dream?  I’ve always wanted to have time to write.  So far since retiring, I have this website and blog.  I’ve written a memoir that I am working on having published.  I write poetry and plan to work on other writing projects. I’ve always wanted time to enjoy my other creative endeavors like quilting and painting.  I’ve been able to finished furniture painting projects and continue to find new ones.  I have only made two quilts in five years.  However, I have the time and I continue to plan the quilts I’d like to make. I’ve wanted to be able to travel which we do quite a bit.  I don’t get to all the exotic locations but I get to enjoy beautiful country wherever we go.  I wanted time to bike and golf and that we are able to do frequently.  As a matter of fact we just returned from a vacation in Las Vegas where we biked each day and played golf a couple of times.  I did get to see Paris and Venice from there so I guess those might be considered exotic!

Am I living the dream?  Hmmmm, according to what I wished for, yes.  Yet I guess I sort of meant for my dream to be bigger and have an impact on the world.  I supposed my writing could ultimately do that.  But if it doesn’t, have I still been living the dream?  Yes, I have.  I guess I just needed to take a moment and recognize that I am doing all the things I hoped to be able to do.  So I’d like to thank my friend who asked me the question and made me reflect on my life and discover that I’m not dreaming but rather living the dream.

Upon receiving the news from the biopsy, I contacted my primary care physician and gynecologist.  She recommended a surgeon in Denver whose specialty is breast surgery for cancer treatments.  Then the events snowballed.  Understand that it is a four hour drive to Denver from my home town.  We set up the appointment with the surgeon who gave all the scenarios from her perspective.  She recommended two oncologists and a plastic surgeon giving the strengths of each.  Since they were all in the general vicinity, we ran first to one office and then the other begging an appointment for that day since we were already in Denver.   The oncologists’ office asked us to return late afternoon.    The plastic surgeon that was also recommended was able to take us right in.  She discussed lumpectomies, mastectomies, and bilateral surgery.   As a breast cancer survivor herself, she explained her experience and surgery choice.  We then returned to the cancer center where the oncologist met us at 5:00 after his last appointment and spent about an hour and a half discussing my diagnosis, possible treatments, and statistics.

When we returned home, I met with my gynecologist and friend to talk about everything we had heard.  My constant question to each of the doctors was, if this were your wife, mother, sister, what would you do?  I imagine everyone asks this question but it is the reasonable one to ask.   Each gave us an opinion.  Each seemed logical.  By the time I heard it all, digested it, and talked to loved ones, I couldn’t even think of going to other places for second or third opinions.  The process was so exhausting mentally that I burst into tears just thinking about going to see someone else.  I worried then about whether this was stupid on my part.  As I said, I think everyone should get a second opinion.  It only makes sense.  Yet I just couldn’t.

As I write this, I see how everything came together and I have to believe in coincidence.  Each event coincided with the other.  Each doctor extolled the virtues of the others.  Each was happy with the “team” that was put together.  I know they can’t say a lot negatively about others but they can say, “get another opinion”.  None of these physicians is short on patients.  They don’t really need more so it’s not about the sale. 

My point is, get a second opinion if you can.  They’re important and may offer different results or choices.  For many people they give peace of mind about diagnosis and treatment.  But if you just can’t face one more review of your future, then be sure you believe in the team you choose.  Once you have reached your decision, and feel satisfied with what you know, then let go and don’t beat yourself up about your process and decision.  Instead spend your energy believing in you and the future of your health.  

Oh, we just spent two beautiful days mountain biking in Grand Junction at the Colorado National Monument.  Seventy degree days cured a long needed urge to leave winter.  We can now return home to the cooler climate and teasing spring weather knowing that it won’t be long before we too will be snow melted and ready for biking behind the house at Hartman’s Rocks.  This is spring glory.  

The actual rocks I sat under while writing.

Hartman’s Rocks

If I were a mountain lion
I’d live here; quiet,
protected from west wind
plenty of hiding places
deer sign abundant,
antelope across the road,
enough pine and juniper for shade,
a gully that holds water.

I would climb to the top
survey 360 degrees,
feel the wind feather my fur,
listen for human approach,
twitch my tail,
ease between rock,
and lie in the shade,
unconcerned.

Instead,
I dream and
trudge uphill,
break twigs and crumble shale,
stop to breathe,
pat the dog,
march on,
sweat into my clothes
stop, listen to my exhalation
find soft ground,
sit below the cliffs,
and look up,
jealous of the cat
that may be watching.

                                                            Missy Kizer  3/2009

]]> http://missykizer.com/mountain-biking-in-colorado/feed/ 3 http://missykizer.com/knowledge-is-power-or-not/ http://missykizer.com/knowledge-is-power-or-not/#comments Thu, 08 Mar 2012 17:02:01 +0000 Missy Kizer http://missykizer.com/?p=433 I read so many accounts of people claiming the importance of learning as much as possible about your cancer.  Many people feel they needed this information to make decisions.  They needed this information to advocate for themselves.  This information prepared them for what they had to face with their cancer, the treatment, and how others react. 

Prior to my diagnosis, I would have said that anyone who didn’t do this was pretty stupid. I believed knowledge is power.  I learned to eat those words.  As I navigated my news of cancer I began reading all I could.  I then often sat in despair thinking about my future or lack thereof.  I read about holistic treatments, I read about allopathic treatments, I read about breast cancer, I read about prostate cancer, I read about insurance woes, I read about the different stages of cancer.  And then I’d tailspin into hopelessness.  Finally a doctor, who is also a personal friend, offered the idea that reading all this was not helping me.  Eureka!  When I was given permission to quit reading all the stuff, I relaxed and followed my path instead of feeling obligated to follow the judgment of others.  So as I say this, I realize I too am giving advice, but it’s just another opinion from a different side of the issue.   Research for some of us is too much to manage and brings horror and depression.  Both of those emotions create a nest to nurture the cancer rather than a space for creating health.  So read and research if you need to especially if it helps you feel better about decisions you face, but if it makes you feel worse, then give yourself approval to listen to the doctors and the information they have for you.  Do what is right for you.   

Someone anonymous (I’m protecting the innocent) sent an email,  “I’m personally trying to connect to Divine – not sure what that looks like or feels like but, I’m trying to stay open to the experience of belief.  Any thoughts?” 

Are you kidding?  That’s all I do is think about this kind of thing.  My blog is filled with answers to my own questions like this.  So here’s what I responded.  

“That is exactly what I have been working toward, connecting to the Divine.  Sometimes I call it God, sometimes The Universe, sometimes The Universal Spirit, and there are more titles.  What I think I know is that it doesn’t matter the name; it matters that you are open to it.  Some people have great stories about connections that are bigger than life and others say you’ll know when you’re there.  So far I usually know after the fact.  By that I mean it’s not like God taps me on the shoulder and says hello.  But it seems that after something has happened I realize there was something bigger than me there.  I too do not know what it really looks like but I do know that I feel safer.  I am not sure how to explain that.  I don’t feel quite as alone I guess.  I rather feel like I’m sitting in a waiting room with the Divine just behind the door.  I even feel like it knows I’m there but it’s waiting for me to figure out what it is I need and then ask.  Maybe then I’ll be able to walk into that other room and have a chat.  Until then the Divine is there and helping me even though I may be unaware.”

In my previous life (not a past life) before this part of the journey, I wouldn’t have spoken of my belief about God.  I hid that because it so often felt like I was talking about ghosts or angels or some unbelievable spectre.  By the way, I believe in those things now too.  What and how I believe about them is different though.  It’s more a belief in a “we are all one” not the physical beings of artwork, and folklore.  God isn’t a man with a white beard.  That’s Santa!  Instead it’s a sense of all of us being connected is some great sphere.  We come and go as humans back into the space of spirit.  I haven’t figured out why we do that yet.  So far anything I’ve heard doesn’t make much sense to me so I have to keep looking for that answer.  I do feel connected as a whole to everything, not just people but animals and plants.  I suppose it explains why I talked to the last Christmas tree we had in the house.  Every day I told it I was sorry but thanks for the Christmas cheer.  I am not having a live tree again by the way!  I haven’t quit killing bugs but I do apologize every time I squish one.  Sometimes I catch them and free them outdoors.  I pray for road kill when I see it.  Okay, maybe this is too much information.  My point is that I feel like everything is one.  I’m not perfect with that thought but it is what I am choosing to accept as my belief.  

The movie Star Wars was rejected by every movie studio in Hollywood before 20th-Century Fox finally produced it. It went on to be one of the largest grossing movies in film history.

As one of the best-selling artists of all time, Elvis has become a household name even years after his death. But back in 1954, Elvis was still a nobody, and Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired Elvis Presley after just one performance telling him, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere, son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.”

I just read an interview with Steven Tyler in the February issue of  O magazine.  I’ve become a fan of Tyler’s during his two years on American Idol.  I knew the music of Aerosmith but I didn’t spend much time knowing the band so Steven Tyler is someone I am not well acquainted with.  This interview gave me some history of him but more than that it affirmed my attraction to Tyler’s personality.  I like how he operates on American Idol.  He’s honest with these kids but kind.  I really like that about his character.  

I seldom finish full articles in magazines.  I guess I get bored but Steven Tyler kept me interested.  He spoke very openly about his past and his future. I was moved by his honesty.  During the interview Oprah asks about Tyler’s role in American Idol.

Oprah: …Sometimes when people are really bad – so bad that those of us at home think, “God, is this a plant?” – are you thinking, “What am I going to say?”

Tyler:   Yeah . . . because believe me, some of them come in and I go, “You don’t really think you can sing, do you?” And they’ll look at me and go, “What? My grandfather told me I could sing.  Mom told me I can sing. Are you saying I can’t sing?”  That’s when my heart breaks.”

Oprah:  Is it hard for you to hurt people’s feelings? 

Tyler:  Yeah.  I’ll tell you why. How many children have been sung to by their mothers when they’re 3 years old?  Even though their mother can’t sing.  They sing to them anyway – “You are the angel of my life.” I don’t want to tell someone they can’t sing and they go home and now they’ll never sing to their baby.

I wept at that.  The thought of someone not singing to their children makes me so sad.  It’s one of those memories I have of my mom singing me to sleep while rocking in a chair.  The memory of her voice still wraps me in warmth.  The thoughtfulness of Tyler to consider the tenderness of song that comes to children from their parents touches me.

There is another emotion connecting me to Tyler’s words.   It’s how I felt about the students I worked with.  I never wanted to make someone feel like they couldn’t do something. We all can do things at different levels and varied degrees of skill.  Not everyone can write a novel but maybe they can write a grant bringing in money to a non-profit.  Not everyone can manage a math equation, but they may be great at balancing their checkbook. Not everyone loves fishing but they may make a great fish taco.  Everything about education points to whether you’re good enough, all those tests, all those grades, every mark that tells a student they are not the best.  For those top kids it’s real nice but for all the others which is everyone else except #1, they are not as good according to the standards we have set.  Certainly on Idol we heard Simon Cowell tell people to take up another hobby.  They were not singers.  There were times I had to agree but Steven Tyler notes the importance of not crushing someone’s dreams with unnecessary hurtful comments.  I love this.  I have heard people say that they were told by teachers or other adults to find some other dream.  They just didn’t have what it takes.  Thankfully many who hear this ignore the advice and often go on to become one of the best at whatever it was they were discouraged from doing.

So no matter what someone has told you, do not quit at whatever it is you love, enjoy or dream about.  And without question continue bringing warmth and comfort by singing to those children in your life