A great figure or physique is nice, but it’s self-confidence that makes someone really sexy. Vivica Fox
I just finished my last session with Bernadette Hunter. Well it’s the last for the time being. She’s a therapist I’ve worked with over the last few years. It took me a year and a half to come back to her to do some work. My ego and spending money for help kept me from going back sooner. Because of all the work and success this time, I figure when I want or need some tweaking as life continues, I will be quicker and more able to give her a call.
I am much more comfortable now about asking for assistance and talking about me at such a personal level. Yesterday we worked on my concerns at losing my breasts. Three years ago I had a bilateral mastectomy. The decision for the surgery fell like wet cement as Jim and I tried to swim our way through decisions and what it would mean to our future. 
I wept while deciding. I wept at my decision. I wept once they were gone. So I thought I had really dealt with it. But oh no . . . that’s not how that works.
Even though all turned out well after surgery, the deal is, our bodies aren’t the same. Besides that, being on the upper half of 50, our bodies aren’t the same! So I have this double whammy when I look in the mirror. I’m not 32 years old anymore. Shocking, I know. But some weird tape keeps playing that says, it will only happen to others not you. I guess that’s the “mirror, mirror on the wall” speaking or every magazine and ad we see. Even in AARP magazine they all look good. So when I see my scarred breasts connected to this body I don’t quite recognize, apparently I stumble around in the land of insecurity.
Fortunately with some help from Bernadette, I released a bit more of the pain and sorrow at having life turn out differently than I expected. And even though I feel like having had cancer gave me so many blessings, I am still pretty vain. I am now hoping to come to myself with new found appreciation and regain the “sexy” within. Who’d a thought I’d need help with this? Funny how we get in our own way isn’t it?
“Insecurity” the image above, comes from artist Lacey Lewis of Kansas City, Kansas. I am so moved by her work. In this piece she painted what I feel. That’s its own kind of magic. Please visit her sites.
http://laceylewis.blogspot.com/2008_06_01_archive.html
http://www.lacey-lewis.com/
I received permission form Lacey to use this image in my blog. Thank you Lacey for sharing your magic.
