In the realm of ideas everything depends on enthusiasm… in the real world all rests on perseverance. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I now understand why Jim (my husband) lost incentive to bike, run, and swim once he didn’t qualify for the iron-man fifteen years ago. I always thought it was just an excuse to quit exercising but now I see that it’s in the mind. I recently contacted an editor in New York in hopes of having her work with my memoir. Her name came to me through an author that my book club worked with. I was extremely excited about her ideas and what she would do to help me move forward. I sent her my manuscript so she could do a quick read of it to decide if it was worth her time and my money to actually work with her. I was so pumped because I just knew one way or the other I would be able to get off of dead center. If she said it would be more appropriate to bring it out as an e-book or a self published book, I was good with that. Then I could move on. If she decided it had merit and she believed she could help because of her connections then I was going to be willing to find a way to pay for it. However, she came back with a bit of lackluster “yes, I can help.” Her cost is out of my budget so because of her response, I just can’t justify using her and she gave me just enough in her response to be uncertain whether to go it alone and publish it myself.
I felt so liberated about where I was headed with this memoir before getting a response back from this editor, but now am so discouraged because I am back to zero. I just want to be done with it. I haven’t even dealt with rejection much yet so how am I going to be able to handle that if I can’t decide to move on to another editor.
Geez, it’s good to put thoughts down in writing. Hearing this sounds so whiny. Maybe now that I’ve looked at it again, I can search out another way to believe in my memoir. My need for validation gets in my way. I lose confidence and then decide its just kinder to procrastinate and do nothing. Well, that’s a lie because I’ve been in that place for a long time and it doesn’t feel good. I am not being nice to myself by sitting back and hoping something else will turn up. This week-end I’m going to a writing conference. We’ll see if I can get some good old fashioned incentive energized within me and move forward once again.
By perseverance the snail reached the ark. Charles Spurgeon